My Journey...

I wonder why it is that I don't post more often?  It's not that I have nothing to post about, I do.  I guess it's just that I wonder who cares anyway?  Who even reads this anymore?  (um... I guess nobody since I don't post?  haha)  Okay, so who would read this if I post should be the question.  It seems every time I post I end up playing catch up.  Let's catch you all up on my life for the past oh... 6 months?  I don't even know how long it's been.

Let's begin with the children.  Since they take up oh, 90% of my time and energy, that's a good place to start.  Grace is 2 1/2.  More accurately, she is 32 months old.  And she is not a baby anymore.  Oh sure, she still wants her cuddles every now and then, she still wants me to sing to her at bedtime, and yes, she is still in diapers.  (more on that issue later...maybe)  But she is for the most part, a beautiful, independent little girl who is simply blossoming before my eyes.  I am blessed every day to see her grow and change and learn new things.  She now wants to sit and read her own books (which she has always loved to do, but would eagerly bring me piles of books to read to her, as well).  She can play for hours (it seems) by herself, playing dress up, singing, telling her dolls stories, coloring or whatever else she feels like doing.  At least I know she still needs me.  It's evident in the fact that she still comes to "check in" with me every once in a while, showing me what she's doing, asking for a hug, or to sit in my lap for a moment.  Sometimes she wants to "help" me with whatever chore I happen to be doing.  She loves to help me cook or bake (especially when we use chocolate chips which she calls raisins!)  She can talk my ear off, and tells amazing stories.  (um...sometimes they are about poop.  Where did that come from?  No idea.  I thought only little boys thought it was funny to talk about poop!)  She calls herself a princess (or more recently a queen!!!) and she is certainly a daddy's girl.  She loves to go on dates with daddy!  (Could be the icecream, but really I know she just craves time with him.)  She also loves to pray, both at meal times and at bedtime.  She likes to thank God for everything and everyone she knows and loves.  One of those people that she loves is her brother Sam, and let me just tell you.  Watching her with Sam just melts me into a puddle.  You could mop me off the floor when she tries to comfort and love on him.  She gets this little maternal look on her face, leans into him, talking in this high voice, "Oh my sweetie!  Come here sweetie!  It's okay sweetie..."  It's so stinking adorable. 

And speaking of adorable...

Sam.  That boy is 10 months old next week!  Where did the time go?  He's recently learned to sit himself up from laying on the floor, and just today started to get up on his hands and knees.  About a month ago he started to pull himself along in an army type crawl, when for a couple months previous he had just been rolling wherever he wanted to get (boy was he fast... he'd get anywhere he wanted to go!)  This morning he got his knees up under him and started rocking back and forth!  He's been waving for a couple of months (at least), playing peek-a-boo for a couple of months, and a couple months ago he was saying mama and dada.  He hasn't said it as much recently, though.  Sam is nursing like a champ, and eating 3 meals a day.  Unfortunately, he seems to have the same gag reflex issues that Grace does, and anytime he has food that is not pureed he gags, chokes, and throws up his whole meal.  So for now he gets only pureed foods and those little puffs that melt when he puts them in his mouth.  Even those though are a step in the right direction for him, and he's only had them very recently.  I'd say most of his nutrition still comes from good old breast milk!  :)  Now if he's just sleep through the night...  haha.  He is a very happy, content baby, and I constantly have people asking me if he's "always this good?"  Yes.  Really he is.  Am I jinxing myself?  I hope not!  The kids is just one happy boy, and if he's fussing I know something is wrong.  And usually when I thinking he's fussing other people look at me crazy.  "That's fussing?!  He seems okay to me!"  They don't understand that for him to whine at all is fussing!

And I have to say that it is a darn good thing that he is SO easy.  Because my job?  Not so much.  My job is to watch 2 little boys here at my house 3 1/2 days a week.  It equals about 30 hours a week, but most weeks I feel like I've worked twice that.  I won't go into much detail, just enough to say that I watch a 4 1/2 year old and a 2 year old, and they are both tough kids.  The 4 year old has issues I can handle, but the 2 year old has issues that I'm not sure I can some days.  If we didn't NEED me to be doing this financially, I would quit tomorrow.  But we need it, so I do it.  

In actuality, Chris and I could both use a change job-wise.  Chris just finished his first year of seminary.  It's been tough on us, and honestly something will have to change before the fall semester.  We are praying every day for a new job for him.  He's looking at going back to the school he used to work at, or going into a ministry position.  Last fall when he accepted his current position, he felt that it would be a good move financially and be something he did while he went to Seminary.  We've found that not to be the case in either category.  So he's looking.  Please pray that God shows us where to go from here.  

This weekend we are looking forward to a nice break from the norm as we head to a friends lake house for a reunion with some of Chris's college friends.  I am SO excited to see everyone.  Unfortunately, it seems that this weird weather is going to follow us through the weekend, so we may be confined to the indoors most of the weekend.  Kind of disappointing since we'll be on a lake, in the woods, in a beautiful location.  Oh well.  It's the fellowship I'm looking forward to.  Chris had some amazing friends in college, and I'm so glad that we've kept in touch with them and they've become my friends as well.  

How's that for a post?

I'm determined to start posting on here more often.  I haven't written down any milestones for Sam yet, and this is one place where I could really quickly type up some of the things he is doing once in a while.  If I just do it once a week that would be much better than I'm doing now!  At his four month appointment (almost a month ago now, though!) he was 16 lbs and 27 1/2" long.  That puts him at the 95% for height and 70% for weight.  Crazy long boy.  He's already in 9 month clothes, and in fact I'm quickly running out of clothes that he fits into!  I had some hand me downs when he was smaller, but somehow I have a gap between 6 months and 18 months.  I have a few 12 month things, but hardly anything for 9 or 12 months!  Whoops!  He got a few sleepers for Christmas and right now I'm washing those a LOT and rotating through them!  It's cold in our house, so those are the easiest things to put on him with layers.  Sigh.  Need to find someone else who has hand-me-downs!  :)

For my own reference, Sam is cooing, smiling, laughing (at random things, like my parents dog running by, or Chris rolling around on the floor with Grace- she loves to roughhouse with him in the evening, SO cute!), "talking", almost rolling over, he loves to stand, we put him in the exersaucer for the first time a couple of weeks ago and also tried the bouncy seat in the doorway (he loves them both!).  Other than that he loves to nurse and he is a decent, although not a great sleeper.  He's been taking great naps, but at night he wakes up a bunch of times to nurse.  He's still in our room, in a crib across the room from us, b/c we have not figured out a solution to our space issues.  We have 4 bedrooms, but 2 are on our first floor, and 2 on our 2nd.  Right now Grace's room and our room are upstairs.  I don't think that Grace would do well sleepwise with Sam in her room waking up every few hours.  But I also don't like the thought of her on a different floor than us.  Any ideas?  I'm wondering if I should just TRY putting Sam in her room and see how it goes, we could always put him back in our room.  I wish he'd just sleep through the night, then I could put him in there with her!  What to do, what to do...

Grace is amazing.  She turned 2 on Halloween, and she is just an incredible little girl.  She has been able to say her alphabet and count to 10 for about 6 months now, she knows tons of sign language, verbally she is beyond some 3 year olds I know,  her favorite songs that she sings are "Twinkle Twinkle," "Jesus Loves Me," and "Away in a Manger."  She knows all the words.  Most of her books she can recite to us, and she is starting to get quite the little sense of humor.  She is also a little mommy!  The other day I was sitting on the couch nursing Sam, Chris was in the kitchen, and he had me go look in the playroom (off the kitchen).  There was Grace, sitting in her little rocking chair, nursing her baby (complete with a blanket over her baby's body), talking quietly to her "sweet sweet baby".  She loves to help me with Sam, loves to take baths with him, hold him, burp him, get his paci, etc.  She's a great big sister, and has really never shown any jealousy at all.

I'm in love with my children.

In other news, Chris finished his first semester of seminary, and just started his 2nd.  He's doing well, and we're adjusting to the hectic schedule he has to keep.  I'm looking into a couple part time childcare jobs, watching children here in my home.  I'm talking to a family with a 4 month old (actually 3 days older than Sam, it'd be like having twins!) who needs someone on Mondays for almost 10 hours (!), and a woman with a 5 and 7 year old (girls) who would need to be picked up from school 4 days a week and watched until 7:30.  When we origionally talked this was only going to be 2 days a week, but it has changed now, and I'm not sure I can do all 4 days.  It would be Tuesday-Friday, which means I'd have other children here every day.  Financially it would be enough (although still not ideal) for me just to do it 2 days a week.  For me I think I need a couple of days when it's just me and my children.  So I'm going to talk to her about maybe doing it 2 or 3 days and seeing when we can come up with.

Gotta go make dinner!

Sorry guys... I can't figure this out right now... maybe later.  Kids are waking up, I'm baking bread, and I still need to make a dessert for dinner at our friends house night.  

Someone want to walk me through this?  That might help.  I'm just getting frustrated.  I don't know why only one of my pictures showed up...

Blah.

Sorry guys.... I'm trying to figure out how to do this in a way that doesn't kill your friends page...

( Pictures of Sam continued... )

Well.  I think I'm going to split this up in a couple of posts, b/c I just realized that I have posted all of ONE picture of Samuel since he was born in August.  How pathetic.  So I'm going to catch you all up and start at the beginning.

( Sam's birth pictures... not graphic )

Last night I went to upload pictures to the computer (there are about 300 pictures on my camera right now!) and had a problem doing so.  Turns out my hard drive that I store my pictures on crashed.  I might have lost everything and I'm devestated.  I had pictures of Sam's birth on there, his newborn pictures, of course all of Grace's pictures!  Oh my gosh I can't even think about it without wanting to vomit.  I know they're just pictures, but I just don't have words...


In other news, Sam is 3 months old and the other day I got him a 9 month outfit.  His 6 month outfits are starting to get hard to snap, and short in the sleeves/legs.  Oh my big boy!  He's such a happy talkative smiley baby.  He's not sleeping well anymore.  He did a coupole weeks of sleeping 8 hours.  Now he sleeps 3 hours, wakes up, and then wakes up every 1-2 hours after that.  Fun for mama! 

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Well.  Grace turned 2 a couple weeks ago, on Halloween.  We took her to Friendly's for ice cream for her birthday, then brought her to church where they have a "Pumpkin Patch" night for the kids.  She loved the bouncy house, but mostly wanted to push around the stroller with dolls from the nursery.  That's my girl.  She was dressed up as a ballerina again this year, since when I pulled out her tutu from last year she screamed, "PRETTY!" and then wore it around for the next hour.  I bought her cute little pink slipper shoes and she wore baby legs as leg warmers over tights and a pink long sleeve shirt (I could not find a leotard).  We dressed Sam up as a rock star, although I didn't go crazy.  We spiked his rather awesome hair, and he wore a t-shirt that said "You're looking at a rock star" with jeans and a jean jacket.  He also had on little fake cons.  The whole thing looked adorable.  We did get a nice family picture that night as well.

I can't believe my little girl is two.  I have a two year old.  She loves to color, dance, sing, and take baths (such a savior at the end of a long day!  She can be whiny and cranky, and the moment I ask if she wants to take a bath it changes everything!).  She also loves to eat cereal in the morning "milk, poon, bowl, ceral!", she loves icecream (a couple weeks ago she went out to dinner with my brother and family tried to order just icecream "Icecream, please!"), she loves Pooh, Veggietales and Signing time, she loves her cousins and her Aunts and Uncles and grandparents.

She is quite the character these days.  She loves to pray before we eat, even if she's already started eating.  She often claps loudly at the end of our prayer, but sometimes she's just too busy going right back to stuffing her face.  While I type this she is taking a bath and lining up her 20+ rubber duckies on the side of the tub.  Something else she's recently started doing- lining things up in rows.  The other night Chris brought home a back of 24 waters to take to work with his lunches.  She pried the plastic off a corner of it and started taking them out one by one.  She then brought then accross the kitchen and put them in a line, walking back and forth.  I wonder what was going through her mind!!!

She's also been using the potty lately.  Usually I have to catch her when she's about to poop and we run to the bathroom, stripping her as we go.  But she's going, and I hope eventually she'll realize she'd rather go in the potty than her pants.  Boy would it be nice to be down to one child in diapers, especially with cloth!

Sam is already almost 3 months old!  Just 3 more days and he'll be 3 months.  I'm not really ready for him to be that old!  That newborn period just goes by too quickly.  He laughed today for the first time.  Really laughed.  He's come close before, but this was the real thing.  He "talks" to us all the time.  He loves it when someone spends time just talking to him.  If he catches your eye he breaks out into this huge grin, kicks his feet, and starts cooing.  He's very alert for his age, and always has been.  He seems older than he is because he's so big and alert.  Sam is ticklish under his arms and on his belly and chest.  He squirms and gets this great big smile on his face.  That was actually how I got him to laugh today!  Grace loves Sam, and has started to include him in prayer at dinnertime.  She likes to hold hands while we pray, and now I have to reach down to the bouncy seat next to me and hold Sam's hand while we pray.  She likes to include him in everything we do, which is very sweet.  She even helped give him a bath the other night!  It was really adorable.

Can anyone tell me according to the Dr. Sears delayed vaccine schedule what vaccines he DOES recommend at 2 months if any?  Thanks!

My Son, Samuel,
Wow, baby boy, you are six weeks already!  (and a couple days, you keep me so busy this is coming a little late!)  As always, I can't believe how fast the time has gone.  At the same time, it seems like a long time ago that I gave birth to you in the tub in our kitchen.  I wish I could tell you how amazing that experience was, laboring in our kitchen, surrounded by supporting and loving people.  Your daddy was there, of course, and your Oma, Aunt Heidi, our doula Carrie, and our midwife Joni and back up midwife Kim.  What a great group of people to have there to welcome you into this world!  It was so relaxing to be here at home, in the water, laughing and talking with everyone between contractions.  And then there you were, so beautiful, born into Joni and my own hands, lifted out of the water and onto my chest.  You needed a little help to start breathing, but then you did great, my little fighter!  You were so alert and tried to nurse right away.  It was amazing.  You. Are amazing.

I can't believe how big you've gotten so quickly.  You're SO long that you've outgrown all of your 0-3 month clothes and are now working on your 3-6 month clothes.  You've also gained at least 2 1/2 lbs since you were born.  You love to nurse, and eat like a champ all day long.  Lately you've done great at night, even letting me sleep for a few hours at a time.  You really like to be held during the day, which makes it a little hard to get thigns done around here.  But I love to hold you close, and you snuggle your head in under my chin and wrap your arms around me.  It's adorable.  At night sometimes I bring you in bed with me and you snuggle in next to me and I fall asleep listening to you breath.  I think in bed with me is where you prefer to sleep, but you do pretty well right next to me in the bassinet, as well.  Only problem is you're going to be too long for it soon!

In the past week you've started to really resond to us with smiles and coo's!  It's so much fun to talk to you and have you smile back at us.  You just started to really make noise intentionally in the past 3 or 4 days.  I still need to get it on video.  We've gotten a few pictures of you smiling, though!

I cannot tell you how much I love you.  There are just no words.  You are a gift from God, and I am so thankful for you, little one.  I am so blessed to be able to call you my son, and watch you grow and learn.  You're just an amazing miracle, and I know that God has big plans for your life.  I look forward to watching them unfold.  I love you.
Love,
Mama

Well baby boy, you are already 9 days old!  What a first week you had!  We had a tough first four days, and we were so excited to bring you home on Tuesday.  I was so proud of your daddy.  He went in there on Tuesday morning with his fists up ready to fight for you, and boy did he bring it to those doctors.  We weren't going to take no for an answer, and we got what we wanted... you!  Home!  It was so nice to finally bring you home, where we wanted you all along.  It's taken me this long to post anything because for the past 4 days I've just sat with you on my chest, skin to skin as much as possible.  You've nursed and slept on me the majority of the time.  Of course, daddy takes turns as well.  You certainly are a snuggle bug, unlike your big sister.  You'd rather be on my chest sleeping than anywhere else it seems.  And I don't mind at all.
I'm amazed when I look at you, and how big you already are, that you fit in my belly just a week ago.  No wonder I had such a huge belly!  You're a big, strong, healthy boy!  You've got these amazing cheeks that I just love to kiss all day.  You've also got these funny toes that are just too adorable.  Everyone loves your hair, too!  You've got a full head of brown hair, with tips of light brown and almost blond.  You look like a little rock star baby with those highlights.  Personally, I think you're perfect.  From your funny toes to your frosted hair, you're just one gorgeous baby.  
I can't even say how much I love you, Samuel.  You're my little boy.  My son.  I am fiercely protective, and utterly in love with you. 
Love,
Mama

I know you've all been waiting for this update, and I've been anxious to make it!  So here we go, announcing the birth of Samuel Charles!
He was born at home in the water on Friday, August 22 at 10:40 am. 
9 lb 3 oz
21 1/2 inches long

Quick version of the birth story (I will sit in a few days when I've processed more and write the real deal):
Water broke Thursday morning, no contractions all day.  Around 10 pm had a few contractions, went for a walk to try to get things going, then decided just to go to bed.  I woke up around 4:30am with contractions 4 minutes apart, woke up Chris and started timing them.  We called the midwife, who decided to head over right away, and then called every one else, since it seemed things would go pretty quickly.  I labored almost the whole time in the tub, and pushed for a couple hours.  He was posterior, so I had very painful back labor the whole time.  He finally was born at 10:40 into my hands.   He was born with the cord tightly wrapped around his neck, and not breathing.  He had to be resuscitated, which was the most terrifying 3 minutes of my life.  For precautionary measures he was brought to the hospital, and observed and had a whole slew of tests done.  We just came home yesterday, after having to literally fight for our son to come home.  He's still a little jaundiced, but we're keeping tabs on that.  Other than that he's doing amazing, nursing like a champ, pooping like crazy, and sleeping well.

Sorry for the delay in posting his birth, but the past 4 days have been stressful beyond belief.  I'm glad to be home now, and finally able to bond with my son.  I'll post more pictures later!

Well, my water broke about 5 hours ago, but I haven't had any contractions.  I've been walking, cleaning, nesting, etc... and... no contractions.  Haha.  Figures.  I've been having contractions for 3 months, and even more-so in the past 4 weeks, and now that my water broke...nothing!  :)

So I'm going to go take a nap and pray that my contractions start soon.  My midwife is fine letting me go until tomorrow morning before trying any natural ways to get contractions going, although she doesn't expect to have to do that.  SO PRAY please!  We'd love to have this baby during the daylight hours rather than being up all night tonight.  Thanks!!!

Well my little one, we're still waiting to meet you.  I admit that we're getting anxious and not being very patient, but we do know better.  I want you to come when you're ready.  I know that you'll let me know, and I am trying to be patient.  It's just that I cannot wait to see your little face, and hold your slippery little body in my arms.  I can't wait to know if I have a son or another daughter, my little boy or girl.  I want to know what your hair is like, what your little nose looks like, if you have your daddy's eyes or mine.  I just want to hold you in my arms, after all this time carrying you in my womb.  I want to see the little knees and feet that keep kicking me.  I long to breath in your sweet new baby scent and fall even more in love with you than I already am. 
So my darling, whenever you're ready, we are, too.  Ready, waiting, loving you already.  Please come soon...

This week they are having Vacation Bible Camp (VBC) at my church every night.  It's nice, b/c they provide dinner every night (no cooking!) and then Grace gets to play with a couple other kids in the nursery while we go to a parenting class.  Obviously the whole event is more geared toward kids, but they try to make it family friendly offering the adult classes. 
Anyway.  The point is that there is a little girl at our church who is absolutely adorable, named Malia (sp?) and last night she came over to me and patted my belly and said, "WOW!  You're FULL!"  It was incredibly cute.  Out of the mouths of five year olds.... :)

In other news... well, there is no other news.  Not yet anyway.  I'm still having contractions just like I have for the past 3 months.  Nothing has changed there.  I'm feeling more uncomfortable, and ready to have this baby, though!  I'm definitely ready to meet this little one!

I can't believe that I am 37w6d today.  This baby will be here before I know it, and I haven't posted about this pregnancy much at all.  It's really been pretty uneventful, thankfully.  A pretty easy pregnancy, the baby was breech for a few weeks but is now head down.  We're set for our home birth, our birth tub was delivered yesterday, Chris got the attachments and hoses last night to fill it and empty it, and we're doing good!  I have to go to the town clerk and get the paperwork we need for the baby after the home birth, and I have to get to the health food store to see if they have Recharge.  Other than that I think we have everything we really need.  I've been working on sewing some diapers, and they're actually coming out decent!  I'm pretty excited about that.  A stranger on LJ sent me 4 fleece covers, 2 NB and 2 Smalls, and what a complete BLESSING that was.  I can't wait to make her a thank you card and send her a picture of our little one wearing them!

Today though has been a little rough.  You know, this whole pregnancy I've been remarkably stable as far as my emotions go. I've only had a few moments when I broke down. But yesterday, I took our last box of brownie mix, made some really good brownies (it was the ONLY chocolate in the house, and I've been craving it like crazy!) and had one small piece last night. So this morning when I discovered that ants (that we've been trying for weeks to get rid of) had gotten into the brownies, I bawled. And I've been on the brink of tears for the past 2 hours because of it. I just feel so pathetic, you know? I mean, it's just brownies! But here I am crying... again because of them! I could almost laugh at myself if I wasn't crying. :/

I know.  I'm pathetic... but I really want to argue that I think I'm allowed to be at this point in the game.  2 weeks from my due date, HUGE, hot, tired and chasing my 20 month old.  Can't I just be a LITTLE pathetic?

This won't be long, b/c Grace is napping and I have a lot of housework to catch up on from the past couple of days.  Grace has been extremely sick with the worst cold I've ever seen.  She has a runny nose, terrible sounding cough, post nasal drip (which is why the couch is so bad sounding, oh, and also why she keeps choking on it and throwing up.  Nice), red watery eyes, icky poops, and a slight fever.  My poor baby.  Two nights ago she was up every hour crying and needed to be nursed back to sleep almost every time.  Last night she slept a little bit better, thank you Jesus, because I needed some sleep desperately.  I wish I could be sick instead.  What do you all do for your baby when they're this sick???  Is there anything I can do?

Merry Christmas everybody!  I hope everyone had a wonderful day.  We had a nice time at home with Grace this morning, very relaxed and quiet.  We spent the afternoon with my family at my brother Rob's house.  It was a nice day.

Hey guys!

Chris is making a slide show for Grace's first birthday... we have 2 songs for it, but need a third.  Any ideas???  So far we've used "Gracie" by Ben Folds, and song by Sara Groves.

HELP!  (Oh... and her birthday party is tomorrow, so I need help quick!)